But I digress. Below is Mr. Unicorn’s post, cleverly
entitled Mr. U Goes Ring Shopping: A Cautionary Tale.
Ok, so the plan was to design a custom ring and have
a diamond set after the fact by a local jeweler. This turned out to be a more
expensive and time-intensive project than I had anticipated, so I shifted gears
and shopped around local jewelers as well as some of the big box guys.
Just to note, during my custom ring quest, I was fortunate enough
to still come away with more knowledge about diamonds, metals, and ring crafting
than I ever cared to know, which made ring shopping that much more interesting.
Now let’s get down to the meat of the story. I had a rather horrible
experience at one of the big box stores, and I just HAD to write a post for
Miss U’s fellow Bees. If you must know the name, please PM me or Miss U, but
you should be able to figure it out.
We’ll call them Shmelzberg Shiny Rocks n’ Sh!t…
After comparing prices, quality, value, and other factors at
the smaller, local stores in town, I decided to take a look in the mall at what
the big box stores had to offer. This visit was really just for shits n’
giggles before I closed the deal elsewhere.
My first stop in the mall was Shmelzberg. I was greeted by a
greasy-haired character who introduced himself as the store manager. In the
blink of an eye, he handed me a pen and a clipboard with forms to fill out
while I waited on the sales associate.
I filled out my name, address, and phone number but
hesitated when I was asked to give my social security number. I was a little
suspicious that they needed this information before I even looked at rings. The
manager assured me that none of the information
would be processed until I made a selection, but that this would speed up the
process.
Not feeling particularly reassured, I filled out the rest of
the form, but was careful NOT to sign it before handing it back along with my driver’s license (I’m not sure why they needed it).
After waiting for quite some time, I was finally shown a ring
I was eyeballing. It was a very pretty ring; I have no doubt that Miss U would
have liked it. I had just about made up my mind
to buy the ring when the sales rep decided to chime in. She told me it was a
low quality ring, with a poor diamond grade, but she could show me a better
selection. I thought to myself, “Well that's silly. If it's a piece of crap, why put it on the shelf?"
The sales rep rushed to show me a ring that was more than
double the cost of the one I picked out, and it was not even half as pretty. I
politely let her know that I was not interested in the ugly expensive ring and
asked for my license back, but she was deaf to my protest.
“You have to see it under the microscope!” she squealed
excitedly, practically falling over herself to go fetch it. At this
point, my patience was wearing thin, and I asked the manager again if I could
please get my license back so I could move on to the next store. “I’m afraid I
gave your license to your sales rep,” the manager said with an oily grin
that made my skin crawl.
When my overenthusiastic rep finally came back, microscope
in tow, I told her I really wasn’t interested in the cheap looking ring I
couldn’t afford. Not one to be deterred by an unhappy customer, she insisted I
take a look at the cut. She pointed out that the Shmelzberg logo is engraved in
the side of the diamond in case I forget where I got the ring and happen to
have a microscope handy.
Based on weeks of thorough research, I knew that anything
engraved in a diamond that isn’t the serial number, renders the diamond
completely worthless. It’s considered a synthetically blemished diamond, and
according to my calculations, the diamond the rep was determined to show me was
about as valuable as a toothpick. The price tag on this worthless diamond,
however, was almost equivalent to what I paid for my car.
I collected my things, treated the manager to my very best go-f@&*-yourself smile, and said “Have a nice day!”
A mere five minutes after leaving the store, I received a
phone call congratulating me on my BRAND NEW Shmelzberg credit line that I
opened up! Say whaaaaat?????
The idiot manager had apparently gone ahead and opened up a
credit card in my name with my information, but without two very crucial
elements: my signature and my CONSENT!
It took me a good half hour to get it all sorted out. I
marched right back to Shmelzberg and gave the manager a piece of my mind. There were plenty of rude and personal questions, making the experience at Shmelzberg uncomfortable and miserable to say the least.
The next stop was Zales. I was a little apprehensive after my experience with Shmelzberg, but I was pleasantly surprised. For anyone ring shopping, they have a GREAT selection, GREAT service,
and I got a GREAT deal on a beautiful ring.
A few tips for anyone ring-shopping.
- Buy what you like. If you think it looks pretty, chances
are your significant other will, too. Grade, appraisals, awards, designer and the
other BS means nothing. Higher lab grade = higher price…that’s all. I know Miss
U loves her ring, and she honestly doesn’t even know what kind of cut it is,
let alone the lab grade.
- If you need a microscope to see the “better quality,”
chances are, it’s not better quality. A quality ring should look sparkly and
pretty WITHOUT a microscope.
- Say what you will
about the Big Box stores, but I found that they can afford a better quality
selection and can keep the guarantees they make with insurance
- Stay the hell away from Shmelzberg Shiny Rocks n’Sh!t
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