Trust Issues

Before ya’ll get to thinking that this post is going to be a really deep, philosophical look at my relationship with Mr. U, I’ll go ahead and let you know that my trust issues are of the superficial, hairstyling variety. As in, I don’t trust hairstylists.

I don’t know where this distrust began, but I’m convinced that hairstylists will tell you what you want to hear, regardless of how you actually look. Before any  hairstylists get their knickers in a twist, I'll go ahead and explain why I don't trust hair people.

Example A: My mother allowed her hairdresser to HACK OFF ALL HER HAIR!!! The hairdresser said she looked fabulous. We just stared, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, too shocked to say a word.

Example B: I volunteered to be a hair show model for a renowned, Belgian hairstylist that was doing a demonstration here in Atlanta. I came out with a MULLET. A PURPLE MULLET!!!! It was hideous, but every last hairdresser in the place oohed and ahhed over my hair massacre like it was a work of art. Mr. Unicorn gently told me that it looked as awful as I suspected. Below is the photographic evidence, should you be daring enough to view it. And before you get on to me about the fugly dress, I'll have you know that they MADE me wear that for the show.

Photo by Paul Mitchell Esani School.

Example C: One salon made me sign a WAIVER before doing my hair. I went ahead with the haircut, even though that was a total red flag. About five minutes into the haircut, my hairdresser sliced his hand open on thinning shears and bled all over me like it was going out of style. Not necessarily an example of a hairstylist lying about how I looked, but not exactly the best way to earn my trust either.

Needless to say, I’m a little nervous about getting my hair done for the wedding. I’ve been tossing around the idea of just straightening it myself and slapping the veil on, but everyone else seems to think I should step outta my comfort zone and get my hair professionally done. With much trepidation, I scheduled a hair trial at The Hair Artists, right across the street from our venue. The lady on the phone assured me that she had the perfect person for the job, and that all I had to do was show up with my veil.

I showed up to my trial fifteen minutes early with my grandma. It wasn’t long before a tiny blonde woman came bouncing up to introduce herself as my hairdresser, and I did my best to put aside my completely irrational fears. I whipped out my handy dandy phone to show her my “Wedding Hair” board on Pinterest, and she got to work right away.

Now, you may recall that I have crazy, two-tone hair at the moment thanks to a bout of temporary insanity. As it turns out, I am completely on trend with my ombre hairstyle—which my hairdresser refused to believe was entirely accidental—and the up-do I chose for the wedding is PERFECT for this kind of color treatment. Who knew?

Alas, I have LOTS of thick, wavy, unmanageable hair. The hairstylist did her best to wrestle it into submission, but I could tell she was getting frustrated.

Personal photo. Only for you, hive.

Once she was finished, this is what it looked like.

Personal photo. What it looks like with the veil.

Personal photo. This is what it looks like without the veil. The red braid looks really cool against the darker hair, no?

At first, I was thrilled with it. After I left, I wasn’t as thrilled.

For starters, you can totally see the rubber bands holding the braid together. There’s gotta be a way to make them less visible.

Personal photo. See the ugly bands?

I also feel that I need more volume on the top, or the whole thing will look flat and sad halfway through the wedding. As for the back, it looks like a rat’s nest.

Personal photo of the rat's nest that is the back of my head.

What do you think, hive? Should I start panicking? Or do you think she’ll do a better job on the day of the wedding? Should I abandon my pretty up-do with the braid idea and just wear my hair straight?